Onion juice

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New year, new me!

Hey guys! It is your boy, Onion Juice, and today I will be talking about a few of my new year's traditions, as well as my resolutions. This year, I have a few things I would like to accomplish. - Check my grammar before posting to my oh-so-glorious blog. - Get rid of my girlfriend - Be friends with Shawp again. - Find my father Get rid of my girlfriend. - Get rid of my girlfriend Is that everything Every new years, I spend the night by myself on a hill. However, My girlfriend is incapable of leaving me, so I spent it with her. I love to enjoy the silence when the clock strikes 12, yet I had to hear her ear piercing screech that just NEVER STOPS IT NEVER STOPSS IT NEV ER STOIPS PLEASSE JUSETE FU Don't know what came over me anyways if you haven notised yet i got away from the skeleton. Turns out that skeletons are incapable of feeling emotion and all i had to do was make out wif it in ordeer to best it within combat. instantly vaporised. wish the same hap

dentists are sinners!

YO STRAIGHT UP NOT GONNA LIE BECAUSE LYING IS A #SIN BUH LIKE I DONT BELIEVE IN TEETH i kinda just dont eat like ever so teeth dont rlly matter to me i kinda just eminate energy so i dont sleep or consume anything so like the idea of going to a dentist is kindssa like cring to me. but then my bruh CIA agent wa lik **bruv its been 6 monfs go to dentis**** and i was like no and then he shot me so i was like lmao fine YEEEEEET and here i am. dentis ofic. im not scared. being scared is for scardy cats. im a human person. so i pull up like bruv chek my teefs and then i get put on some sort of foldy chair. pretty lit so far. THEN HE STRAIGHT UP PULLS OUT A 12 INCH DAGGER AND SHOVES IT INTO MY MOUTH AND IM LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

yo i straight up got sent to hell!

sorry fam your boui had to restaert the entropy machine anyways ur boi lowkey highkey was walking down the street when a homeless man pulled up on me. you know my immediate reacton is to pull out my woild war 2 maxim machine gun but mans was like YO CHILLAX DUDE and i was like holup your poor and your not running away? double whammy so you already know i pulled out my second worl war 2 maxim macine gun. like yikes man if he aint finna dash now ima have to mug him OH WAIT HES POOR so we kinda just stared at each other quietly and then he was like jesus why did i create you anyways 1v1 me checkers kid and i was like hol up is you my father? and then he was all like uh no lmao kk now that that had been settled i straight up went full kaio-ken on him like 4th gear python form like avatar state i went full try hard i was lik,e RHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe you already know your boy straight up LOST so hard like i got like 2 of his pieces he got like all of min

where have I been???? + GAMING BATTLE!!!!

sorry guys i needed to take a nap i feel better now so hows your guys's day been> good? good. i feel like i dont connect with my community much. that may be because i dont actualy care abou any of you, but may b i do?> no i don tthastts a lie a lMAOOOOOOOOOOO anyways this point really has no meaning. jut here to clarify that i am not dead and instead i was only pretending to play dead to catch the racoons. evil creaptures i tell ye >:( i dont like racoons. they pull on up on you, yeet all your stuff, then dash. who would want that? they arent as bad as the geese mafia, but jesois. i caught one once. put it in a cage. iT AIGHT THE CAgE!!!!! H0W?????? a nhyways i want to declare war on these things, but I have a gaming competition coming soon, got challenged by some dad in florida. not really sure how thas gonna work but ive been praciticing my fps skills by shooting real people. some say its extreme, I say its getting first hand experience. if we play like a wo

how to burn down a school without hurting any children

do it on a weekend

HOW TO KILL THE SWARM

howdy y'all! yer boy onyern juuse here. i jus woke up an foun myself surrounded by bugs. easy to destroy. step 1) regret. step 2) forget. step 3) stop remembering. where am I

the s̩̳̭̼̺ͪ̔͋̈́̃͘ͅw̘̙̖͓̓͛͌͌̄̿͡a̢͚̝͔̺͉͌ͨ̾̍͡ṛ̱̞̹̆́ͭ̔̆̌͗ͦ͡m̶̳̯̙̬̠̲͇̄̍͝ͅ

my first mistake was existing. my second mistake was existing in a reality in which the s̩̳̭̼̺ͪ̔͋̈́̃͘ͅw̘̙̖͓̓͛͌͌̄̿͡a̢͚̝͔̺͉͌ͨ̾̍͡ṛ̱̞̹̆́ͭ̔̆̌͗ͦ͡m̶̳̯̙̬̠̲͇̄̍͝ͅ exists. there are a few things constant in life. 1) death 2) taxes 3) the s̩̳̭̼̺ͪ̔͋̈́̃͘ͅw̘̙̖͓̓͛͌͌̄̿͡a̢͚̝͔̺͉͌ͨ̾̍͡ṛ̱̞̹̆́ͭ̔̆̌͗ͦ͡m̶̳̯̙̬̠̲͇̄̍͝ͅ. if you ever wanted to cry, think of the s̩̳̭̼̺ͪ̔͋̈́̃͘ͅw̘̙̖͓̓͛͌͌̄̿͡a̢͚̝͔̺͉͌ͨ̾̍͡ṛ̱̞̹̆́ͭ̔̆̌͗ͦ͡m̶̳̯̙̬̠̲͇̄̍͝ͅ. then think of the swarm but inside your house. thats the horror i went through. your boi was out here murdering deer when they used some sort of ooga booga magic on me. whomst cares right? at this point im just collecting curses. well, i was wrong. i went home to continue one of my favorite hobbies. crucifying minions. I summon real minions, and nails there arms and legs to the my wall before taking pot shots wif my crossbow. it was all fun and games till i started coughing up congealed blobs of live fruit flies. the s̩̳̭̼̺ͪ̔͋̈́̃͘ͅw̘̙̖͓̓͛͌͌̄̿͡a̢͚̝͔̺͉͌ͨ̾̍͡ṛ̱̞̹̆́ͭ̔̆̌͗ͦ͡m̶̄̍

My war mech i use to crush the skulls of those who wronged me

this one time i few months ago i was really bored and also really wanted a war mech. so like i just wished real hard and poof! it there now one would think i would use this war mech to go and lik shut peopl o0r osmerthing but no, i didn. instead, i kinda just went around shooting deer. big mistake. der are some of the most evil animals out here, only second to the s̨͇̪̟̫̮̍͂͂ͯ͂ͦ̃̐w̥͙̙͈̘͛̊͋͛ͨ͘aͪ͛̽̐̕҉̤͚͚̟̬̞͕͝r̗͙̗͉̝̻ͥ͛͂ͪ̾̏͒͜m̞̝͑̿̓ͦ́̚. you probably think deer are stupid idiots, just hanging around in the forest being... deer. well you'd be mistaken bud. deer aint no silly little idiots. THEY AR SCEHEMEING MONS TERS !!! just look at them. 4 feet, 4 eies, 4 personalities, 4 oh wait thats not a deer thats a spider wait where did its legs go oh oh oh oh no thas no very good ok so i murdered the spider bubt thats besides the point. deers are #evil. if you see a deer, rU N! if someone says oh deer, RUN! if you see the letters "d" and "e" in the sa

bro my fish got robbed and kidnapped

for the last ten days i have been combatting the s̢̱͇͛̉̂̀̊̋͜w̟̬̱̦̬̄ͧͬ̑ͫ̆͂͒́͠ȃ̦̟̟̠͙͂̒͞r̷̺̖̤̋ͥ̌̀̍̈̃́m͓͚̫̗̰̔̇ͯ͐ͩ̿͟, prob will talk about that later. more pressing issue has just asrisesed. telling the story as it happened because past tense is effor right ur boi has a fsh downastairs. hes basically my neew bes bro and reminds me of somewon. doesnt matter anyways i was chillin out in ma kitchen because the entire room is a fridge and all of a sudden a man yeet himself throw my window YEET big loud sound im mega scare but thas not important whats important is he kidnap my fish! he pull out bag and put my fish in it and ran bacc out the window. i was like """""bruh"""""" wait what do you mean thats not funny anymore your not funny anymore dont judge me i say waht i want let me make my stupid little jokes wait who am i talking to did i just say talking? did i mention i was not talking at this time. i was scared the s͛̉

the ranch

hey game sers im finna learn you guys a think or two sabout layzer corp lzr corn bes corn, as it grows in the alfiield s over the east. i was born near a ferm of layza corn, but we moved to florida, where i used to live. i rescerched layzer cern once i had gotten old enough to read (13) ((i love psarenfesis) and i found out it was pretty epic hold ok boys this post is petty important but im finnna take a nap cause ur boi big tired ~~~ Yer brother, Onyern Juuse here. I woke up in som sort of bird store, wif a bunch of dem dere feavers on the floor. I thought it was perdy strange, but that's just what life on de ranch has in store fer you. de ranch is one of my favorite plases, after all its ma kingdom. have i told you kids about the ranch? 'course i haven't. well, lemme tell ya. I called for my carriage, as I would ev'ry mornin i woke up here. I packed my bag, with ma tools. The carriage arrived finerly, an i hopped in. As always, there wer some traveler

BRUH MY DOG ON FIRE AGAIN (STORY TIME)

BRUH BRUH BRUH right today your boy has a # BRUH moment to share. this ones quite fast paced compared to the last post right your boy was taking his #dog for a #walk when out of the blue the sun rised. i was like BRUH, its only 4am, where am? the moon? thats when i realized i was on the moon. i was all like "HoLY MacKerEl Batmen" (((yess i learned how cuotaton marks work)))) ((ii also leasrned parenfeses))) and then batman was like ""BRUH, im tryna take a nap""" and then the mellaril started to kick in BRUH not even sure why i said BRUH there but thats besides the point the point is however that i wasnt on the moon anymore or was i? no i wasnt you loser anyways i continued on wif my walk, as i had 19 more miles to go. then, i dropped my phone. BBRUH i was lucky as heck it didnt break, but when i went down to get it my dog was like ""BRUH, YEET!""" and th

how to set a rat on fire

right so we finna just jum into this one #short and #sweet. i usually waste alot of time getting sipe traked so todat imm gonna get straigt to the point. honoestly can i just say something real quic big thank for done did reading this. i done did work tres hard to bring information to you peiople. i balance 0 part time jobs, 0 full time jobs, 100's of birds and 0 friends on my nose in order to find time to teach the world. sometimes, its 0 birds cause i leave them all outside. i broke there wings they cant escape. the minutes upon minutes i spend on these posts are comparable to the amount of work it takes to email your boss about quitting after she smokes your pet lizard for the fourth time on a more important note, C sharp. ever heard it? its like the best note on any instrument. its been my wedding bells for years. speaking of bells, belle from that one movie about loving a dog man? can relate wait no i cant anyways, i say anyways alot. suggestions on better trans

STORY TIME: BANANA MAN KICKED MY DOG!

ok fam you may now that my boi banana man is like my bff after shawp atopped being friends with me (for reasons i may not talking aboaut odut) but in the past, he was my mortal enememy. after god gave birf to banana man, with the sole purposee of gamending me, i constructed a plan. ok well i contstructed a bunch of plans. this is the 5th time god tried to gamened me, and banana man was his strongest creation. at least, thats what wikipedia told me as i began to researsersch, i heard a kenock at my door. whomst coudklas that be? the popo? no, i paid them off this weak already. done did my taxes. my mom? nope, still in afganishan probably. dad? died on crimmas? cousin? died in a coal mine. other cousin? still in the hospital. step-dad? no also died on crimmas... i was beginning to run out of family memebers, so i turned to friends. having as many friends as i did, i referred to my list. 1. shawp (mad at me) 2. steve from minecraf (not real) 3. myself (just a mirror) 4. th

how to ctrl-z satan!

right so your boi kina lowky los his computer but i finally robbed aother best buy so here we go fam. famamaamam. i finally undersand how punctuation works! so i will be using it througout this educational post in order ford you to better understand the post,. did i just youse the word post twice in the same sentence? i need to work on my repetion next. LOL! am i hip eith the teens now?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? sorry if i seem a little off, i just deleted satan and god still hasnt given me a medal yet. I really want one. God, i know i might have sinned like 1... 2... several times, but that ain't important. i literally killed like the main villain from you're hit book. Whens the sequel coming out? i wanna be in it. Cant wait for bible 2. anyways, from now on, perfect punctuation. 1 step closer to a mddle school edcation. anyways guys today i have a topic that is very important to me i feel as if we could all benefit

update- the story time

was finna tell u the story ab how my dad died on chrismas but my girlfrien beat me with a fork so im kinda convinced shes satan and in an attempt to summon him to be my friend i accidently spawned a girlfriend and oririanlally i htought tht having a giels firend aewould have nbeeen rewalaly good, but ljiek now im convinced it isnt. she is a terrible person, and tried to kill my guinea pigs. i had to sacrifice more goats to stop her, and i dont wanna do that anymore. honestly i ened hekpl gamers, how do i remove my girlferiend who is also actually the dark lord satan????????? she has a blog btw and she threatened to kill me if i dont plug it https://thasabunchanonsense.blogspot.com/

becoming a magik man

⛧christian post ahead⛧ i cant say god because my mom said so so todai i will b teaching you ho w to be a magic man. THIS IS CRUICISAL INFO im awar that the conclusidon to this beautfiul series has takenw a while, for i have been steudying the vblade. if yo u have not read the other 3 parts, you will not understan. if you don understan, then you are a NOOB. and if you didn't already know, NO NOOBS ALLOWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok so like first you gotta do yourr daily duck prayers. as always. pray facing Seokchon Lake (heres a picture) this prepares you for the intense power you are about to recieve. nex, you needa do your homewokr. don worry, this just makes sure that u get it don bc this ritual takes a while ok so like you need to take your juiced pizza, and pour it into a bottle. the botte must be exact 4.20 L. that may seem a bit big,

cooking zebra

right so im putting magik man tutorial on hold for a more pressing issue i know this post tooik a while but i was listening to my favorite rapper YUNG UPGRADE, link down below mans is fire 🔥🔥🔥 emojis are so cool check this out 💣💥⏩🐧🐦🐥🐤🐣 get it!!! im killing birds with an explosive device. its like hyroglifics but with colour now that im closer to the great african savannayes i have access to better nums. now i dont have to eat parakeets, now i can eeat grater things like edgy horsies and hard worms. oky so today im going to teach how to cokok the edgy hors more comonly known as zebre PRO TIP: DON GOOGL EDGY HORS ok so like there are many ways to cut the meat of a zebra. im going to take the sensible route and use toenail clippers, link to some good ones https://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER-BEHT100-Hedge-Trimmer/dp/B077Z9KM29/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1544669125&sr=8-3&keywords=hedge+cutters cheap as frick but get the job done so ur going to wa

am amelia arehart 2

hey kids welcome back to onion juice how bored are you 1- canadian 2- me 3- the 400 birds in cages 5- esports player 6- dinosaur 1 is most bored 2 is biggest bored if you are on that spectrum go do something else http://guineapigea.blogspot.com/ this loser left his blog up go bully him so this time i decided to build my own plane cause i ran out of ferrets fighting the us military i have a sufficient supply of gamer juic so if you were wondering what we will be using as fuel, thas what ull be using. BUILDIN MATERALS ok so there are many options human bones wood osmium i was tempted by the first option but then i realized, all the bird feathers lying around! so i decided to use them BLUE PRINT usually i dont make a blueprint for stuff i build bc im a master builder so i dnt really need to. but i decided to this time because im not a proffesional aeroespace engengeer so i neeeded ot make sure i didnt make any mistakes. i posted my blueprint bel

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